Loving Them Anyways

"Then they spat in His face and beat Him with their fists and others slapped Him, and said Prophesy to us, You Christ; who is the one who hit you?" Matthew 26: 67-68

"{as Jesus hung on the cross and was mocked} Father forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing" Luke 23: 34

Welcome to my first blog! I am excited to be sharing with you my vulnerable moments in my Christian walk and how God has responded through them. The first vulnerable moment to start this blog off is a gut-wrencher, at least it was for me. I am a Registered Nurse at a big level one emergency department and as a nurse in a big level one emergency department I get screamed at, verbally abused, physically abused, and spit on more times than not. What most people don't know about me is I struggle with anger and it takes every inch of my being to resist the very malicious and evil thoughts/actions that come into my brain while undergoing this mistreatment. I have had the thoughts of spitting back on the person that spits on me and then physically fighting them, I have thought that this earth would be better off without the person verbally/physically abusing me, and I have also taken joy in the fact that the person is where they are right now because they are a horrible human being. Are you absolutely shocked that a woman who loves Jesus and calls herself a Christian would ever have thoughts like this? I AM!! and that person is ME. When I would get home and go through all the events/conversations that took place that day, I found myself angrily questioning God on why He wanted me to work in such a vile place, where I was so unhappy, taken for granted and these thoughts kept resurfacing for the next couple of months. It wasn't until I came across the picture above that Jesus spoke to me right then, right there. Yes, y'all Jesus used a picture to speak to me so just remember Jesus will use anything to get through to you. Jesus responded to my angry questioning with grace and understanding.

This is what He said,

"I understand what you are going through, but I want you to keep your focus on me and love them anyway. I have placed you in the place I need you most. This is your mission field to reach the lost and show them, my love. I endured the same treatment on the way to the cross and yet I loved them anyways and I want YOU to love them anyway. Be my light, show my love, focus on me."

It was at that moment I realized my whole nursing career I said I was doing this for Jesus, yet here I was trying to show the love of Jesus through the focus of the world, not my focus on Jesus. No wonder it was so easy for my flesh to invade my thoughts and actions rather than Jesus!! I was trying to complete a mission that was never meant for me to do alone. It's been almost a month since that talk with Jesus and I have made the choice to focus on Jesus at work no matter how bad it gets and man has my love for my job and mission come flowing back, now I know that I am not doing this alone and was never meant to. Jesus sent me a helper to guide me even through the roughest and most angering moments of my job and you have the same helper in every area of life! This also made me realize this isn't about me this is about the Spirit working through me to reach those around me. It's about how I can serve others selflessly so that they may see Jesus through me.

As I end this blog today, I encourage you to take an inventory of your thoughts. Are your thoughts the response of Jesus or the response of the flesh? It is through our thoughts that our actions flow and if we can intersect those thoughts before they reach our actions we can give them to Jesus so he can take them and turn them into a life change for you and those around you. My friends, I am praying that you will be vulnerable to share those dark thoughts whether it be with me or a close friend of yours so that they may be brought into the light. When our evil thoughts are kept in the dark they become a master over us, but when we have the courage to bring them to the light, that my friend, that is when you experience true freedom.